Innocent Slow Worm Is Gruesomely Murdered

Above: The murdered slow worm, with a single gaping wound near its head

BREAKING NEWS! You heard it from us first, that an innocent slow worm has been found dead on an otherwise peaceful country road. The theory of murder was first suspected after a single stab wound was spotted near the creature's head, a coroner specialising in reptiles stated today.

The worm was found dead ("probably for hours", said the coroner) by a local family cycling on the Suffolk road yesterday afternoon. A spokesperson for the family stated, "they were obviously shocked, and were quick to call the slow worm police force, but not before their daughter had used images of the casualty for her Instagram page and blog.". He continued, "It seemed too good an opportunity for her to miss. I mean, it's not every day a 12-year-old gets to see a murdered slow worm!"

The circumstances of the murder are a matter of dispute. Locals were very much aware of the ongoing feud between the slow worm's family and local grass snakes, who subjected the worms to threats and abuse after discovering that the slow worm species bore more resemblance to lizards than to snakes. Another argument had also commenced a few weeks prior to the death between the slow worms and nearby field mice, over ownership of local fields. However, the coroner has ruled that the stab wound was far too deep to have been made by either species. At the time of writing, both the grass snakes and the field mice have yet to make a statement.

Above: A chalk line drawn by police around the victim's body.

Tributes have been flooding in on ReptileConnect.com for the legless victim, led by the slow worm's own family. The unnamed victim's grandmother, a resident of the area for the past fifty years, posted on the site: "What a devastating piece I read in Slow Worm Today earlier. A loss of an active youngster, a slow worm who liked the fast things in life."

A police search is underway.



Thanks for reading. I've just realised that that's the first fantasy/story post I've done without an introduction at the start! Welcome to the new Dramatis Persona story-post format! And if you're wondering, yes, we found a slow worm while out cycling, yes, I am the mentioned daughter, and, no, I cannot guarantee that this riveting murder story is true.
-DP :)

My New Collection Of…Pigs?!

Hi everyone. Right now I'm sitting on a small brick wall, blogging on my iPad, in front of a luminously green lawn, all alone save a woodpigeon. It's sunny but with a cold breeze. The grass is wet with dew. No prizes for guessing that this weekend we're in Suffolk at the country house, not London.

OMG, just realised that that first paragraph sounded WAY too much like last week's "Spring Is In The Air!!!" post. Sorry. You now have every right to say "Shut up, DP, and if you're going to talk, talk about something other than random picturesque landscapes! How about that weird post title you made up!". Well, to be fair, you had the right to say that before, because this blog believes in freedom of speech and as far as I'm concerned you can think whatever you like about my writing. And photography and videos and whatever else I happen to publish online. But I'm going off on another tangent (today is a very tangenty day, and I think I just coined a new word. Maybe it'll go viral). Better get to the point, and quick.

Anyway, now we can forget that second paragraph ever happened. And besides, you're probably wondering somewhere deep down in your brain, maybe even subconsciously, about what on Earth the titular Pig Collection is. Well, when we were on holiday last, my mum was telling an sad tale during breakfast about how a few years back she lost some of her postcard collection, which she'd had since she was five. Then I thought that I don't really have a collection of linked objects that I'd be really sad about if I lost one of the set (well, I suppose I have my collection of blog posts, but they're not really material…), and I asked my family for suggestions on what I should collect. There were weird, wonderful and just plain mad ideas put forward, from objects the length of my handspan (right, genius. What do I do when it changes?) to coyotes (oh, you see a lot of those on the souvenir shop rounds, don't you?) to six-inch-long objects (here lies DP, who always had a tape measure slung around her shoulder) to practically every animal figurine you can think of. And conventional things like snow globes, stickers or gemstones. My dad even had the "practical" idea of carrying on one of our family traditions which has existed as long as I can remember: getting a decorated tin every birthday and Christmas. They're nice tins and it's a fair idea, but that's something my parents made up, and not me, so it feels like too much of a prerogative. So I had to say no.

So the crisis remained unresolved until about a week after school started again. My mum was down at my Nana's house in Rottingdean and they were discussing the collection issue. My Nana collects mini, mainly high-heeled shoes which she displays on her bathroom cabinet, which I think is a lovely idea, but a) I don't want to copy her and b) mini shoes aren't really my thing, I much prefer real ones :D. However, before the shoe phase, I discovered my Nana also collected…PIGS! Now that's more up my street…

So my mum accepted the collection suggested, so Nana (hey Nana, and thanks!) gave me a couple to start my collection off! Aren't they so cute? I love how they aren't really straight pink piglets, but they're designed in a more sophisticated way. Also, they don't seem picture perfect; like people, they both have little appearance quirks, which I think makes them more real and not just figurines. The black pig has his green eyes and his broken leg (although that is something my dad is mending at the moment) and the glass pig has those red ears. And I genuinely think there's expression in those little eyes on the glass pig, especially in the solo photo. He looks like a despondent piglet stranded in a sea of wooden table, poor thing.

As you've probably gleaned, I have found what I want to collect. I am so sure of this (and I love the two first inductees so much) that I have placed them in the part of my bedroom I call the Cute Animal Shelf (see picture below). The empty part of said shelf is now officially devoted to my pigs, which I will always keep an eye out for!
-DP :)
PS Remember to enter my Swan Quiz contest, to be in chance of winning a feature on this blog of your choice! Check out this post for more details, the contest closes on the 22nd May.

Swans Doing A Very Odd Thing And A Random Quiz Competition

Wow, two milestones in Dramatis Persona history have been achieved today. Firstly, and more obviously, I now have separate pages (Get In Touch!!! and About This Funny Little Web Page), which is important to the sophistication of my blog. And secondly, this April has the most posts of any DP month! Including this one, it has 10 compared to the previous record of 8 in February 2012! Isn't that cool?!

I bet you're thinking, "well no, DP, not really", but that's not what I pressed "New Post"for. I just thought I should mention it. But no, I came to entertain (hey, that rhymes. A bit. Not really). And I came to entertain with this funny picture of two swans from the river who apparently mistook grass for water. Seriously, this should be on BuzzFeed.

Amazingly, their poses are exactly the same as they would be on the water. Wings ready to raise, head up straight, body as perfectly in line as a right angle. But couldn't they tell that this ground is just slightly dissimilar to their homeland? Or maybe they're on holiday, and taking a while to adjust to the new setting and how you're meant to walk there. Perhaps times are hard back in the river, and they're resting in the field for a moment of solace. But in their posture, there are signs that they can't forget all of home. Sorry, my swan fantasy is going crazy now, this my mental conversation with you guys.

READERS: Zap back to reality, DP, they are probably just making nests.
ME: Boringggg!!!!!

Anyway, leave the madness behind. I like swans. They have interesting personalities. And I mean that seriously, one moment they're gliding serenely along without a care in the world, and you make one false move and they jump out of the water, caw at you and possibly break your leg. Of course, that's only when they need to protect their cygnets, and I don't mean to make you from this day on petrified of all swans. But yeah, they're calm and a second later they're mad. They're volatile. A bit like all of us, really. Nothing humans don't share.

MY FIRST COMPETITION!!!

So, to commemorate this picture and the other swan picture I took yesterday, I thought I'd set up my first blog competition. No prizes for guessing that it's a quiz about swans. Seems as this is virgin territory for both of us, I thought I'd start with my questions:

1. The word "swan" is derived from what ancient language, a) Latin, b) Ancient Greek or 
2. c) Old English?
3. True or False? Swans are always omnivorous.
4. Which of the following is a real swan, a) Arctic Swan b) Tundra Swan or c) Alaskan Swan?
5. An old legend tells the story of a stepmother turning her stepchildren into swans, but what nation is it from?
6. Mute swans can reach what weight? a) 23 pounds, b) 33 pounds or c) 43 pounds?
7. The Swan ____; complete the title of this 2010 novel by Elizabeth Kostova?
8. What North American city gave Queen Elizabeth II the original six pairs of Royal Swans?
9. Which of the following swan breeds are migratory, a) Tundra Swan b) Mute Swan or c) Black-necked Swan?
10. Name the 2010 movie, successful at the 2011 Oscars, with a swan in its name.
11. How long on average do mute swans live, a) 1-10 years b) 10-20 years or c) 20-30 years?

I hoped you enjoyed my questions and as many of you enter as possible! Now for the boring bit the rules…

Rules

1) Anyone may enter.

2) Send all entries (with all questions answered) to thedramatispersona@gmail.com. ENTRIES SENT ELSEWHERE WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED.

3) The contest closes on the 22nd May. NO LATE ENTRIES WILL BE ACCEPTED.

4) I will notify winners through my blog and theirs, if they have one.

5) Those with the most correct answers win, and I'm sorry, but there won't be 2nd or 3rd prizes, because I can't do that many guest features at once. Ties will be resolved with random selection. MY DECISION IS FINAL.

6) The prize is your choice of:
a) an interview on this blog
b)a guest post on this blog
c)a post request for this blog
d) an interview with me for your blog

Happy entering!
-DP :)

The Animals Of Marathon (Mostly Stuffed)

As I'm sure you picked up from yesterday, today we were in the town of Marathon. We didn't stay long but it was still long enough to find some little, or should I say wild, gems in the lobby of our hotel and in the restaurant. And they were gems within a very different and controversial field that I've never, ever thought of posting pictures of and writing about on this blog: taxidermy.

Indeed, everywhere in Texas so far has had some form of stuffed animal (meaning an actual dead animal not a fluffy toy - the phrase "stuffed animal" has multiple connotations) somewhere, a deer or a bear or a buffalo. Some are stuffed, some are rugs, some are left in the bony state they died in. But they all have one thing in common: they were killed for the decoration value. And do I think that can be justified? Well, that's one of the things that I typed in my iPad passcode to talk about here. And I know this is a boring answer to the question, but I personally think it depends on the animal, the place where the decoration goes and the type of decoration. Whether it's endangered, whether stuffed animals are suitable for the place or occasion and how much pain was inflicted on the animal (for example, having your head chopped off to become a skull on the wall is obviously less painful than being skinned to be a rug - both these taxidermy types and more are in my picture collection further down) are all factors that can be the difference between acceptable and unacceptable, but they're not the most important. What is the most crucial is did the animal die for the purpose? Did a hunter spy him or her (yes, I never say "it" when referring to animals, but that's another post entirely) and think "That'd look good on my wall" and shoot him or her down? Or was he or she already dead, and the hunter just picked the body up? I don't see a problem with the latter, it's just like a non-living decoration. Killed for the purpose? No. Already dead? Sure.

Now I've done my lengthy writing, I thought I'd show you my Taxidermy In Marathon, TX photo collection. There's everything here: reindeer and buffalo heads on the wall, wooden crocodiles (OK, not technically taxidermy but cool though), bearskin rugs, a random bone lying on the table for no apparent reason (?) and my personal favourite, the uncannily-realistic mountain lion sitting on a coffee table that nearly knocked the Taylor Swift-pumping headphones off my ears. Whether these animals were killed for the purpose is another question, and I might never know. But if any of you out there against taxidermy are vomiting at the pictures, I also included an unbelievably cute little dog yapping at me from underneath a table in the breakfast café. I sure hope this little guy never gets stuffed :).

What do you guys think about taxidermy? Don't hesitate to comment!
-DP :)

RIP Mr. Shrew

Shrews are vulnerable creatures, and not just because they make us humans go "Awwwww, that's so cute" when one comes hopping by and we just thinks it's a sweet little mouse, and not a neglected little non-rodent that's a whole lot sweeter. But more on that argument later. More on the shrew vulnerability argument. Shrews are vulnerable because they can die so easily. All they need to do is stop eating for a bit, because their Achilles' heel is their necessity to eat every 2-3 hours to consume 2-3 times their body weight a day, otherwise they face a slow death from starvation. That's why shrews haven't really embraced dieting.

Anyway, biology lesson over, today I researched these shrew nutrition facts in a vintage British Wildlife book and on Wikipedia after I became curious about the occasional shrew found dead in the Suffolk house. And how did I become curious about the death of shrews? Well, we found another dead one, a pygmy shrew. And I bet you're thinking right now, OMG, is this lunatic of a blogger going to torture us with creepy pictures of dead animals while she tries to take over the world? Right, I'm clicking on "Next Blog". I've had enough of her shrew nonsense. Well, all you people out there on the brink of The Dramatis Persona hater-hood, these pictures aren't creepy or scary or disgusting. They're not all that different from living shrews, except they don't breathe or have a pulse. But why am I telling you about them; I need to show you them. See, not all that scary, hey?!

To make the most of his final journey on the Earth, the poor little guy hitched a ride in the back of a truck. Hopefully it was on its way to The Underworld, via The Windowsill.

So, dead animal pictures over, for any of you that are still squeamish even when there's no blood or guts. What I was going to mention to take your mind away from the gloomy world of death, I'll tell you about how much I love shrews when they're alive. I really don't understand why there aren't loads of pictures on Google Images of shrews captioned "CUTE!!!!" like there are for rodents such as mice, squirrels and hamsters. Because they really are. as sweet as those animals, if not more, with their long, thin noses, pink feet, white tummies and long tails. Perhaps they're not as conventionally cute as, say, mice, but I think so-called conventionally cute just means manufactured cute. It's probably the shrew's sweet but unusual long nose that has prevented Disney from making a movie based around it.

*this image isn't mine

-DP :)

The Gentle Giants: Real and Artificial!

A return to my unforgettable trip to Sri Lanka now: this is quite a long time in the past now, but on Christmas Eve we visited the Elephant Orphanage, which is basically what it says in the name, a home for orphaned elephants near Sri Lanka's second city of Kandy. I didn't have time to blog on the actual day, but I thought it was too awesome not to write something about, so here it comes...

I don't know about you, but I think this picture is SOOO CUTE! They look caring yet violent at the same time!

This is me and my dad (the people in orange shirts are the workers at the orphanage) tentatively yet excitedly feeling the rough, robust skin of a beautiful Indian elephant. If you look closely, you can see that this elephant has wonderfully unique pale pink marks on its trunk and ears, a pacifying mark on such a terrifying (to some) beast.

An elephant devours rare melons among piles of leaves!

 

I love both these elephant calf pictures. The top ones look so sweet as they nuzzle (or fight!) each other, yet the expressions of the bottom ones are completely different, entirely trustworthy of everything around them.

       

Elephants are not the national animal of Sri Lanka (lions are), but elsewhere on my travels in this beautiful island nation I saw enough depictions of these gentle giants to suggest that they could and should be...

This majestic trunked creature is a statue of a real elephant called Raja, who was a Sri Lankan national treasure due to his participation in Buddhist ceremonies and processions (we visited many Buddhist temples during the trip, which I loved looking round, and this statue was preserved in a museum next to one of them). Most famously, he carried the famous tooth relic (supposedly a fragment of Buddha's tooth) in many processions. Below him are some golden elephant heads from the same temple.

Here are two very elegant elephant depictions, on walls and gates in Kandy, which I think should be dubbed "the elephant sculpture capital of the world".

- DP :)

PS 83% of you voted for "Yes" in my "Would you eat a blue fruit?" poll, so you're obviously an adventurous bunch! Vaguely connected to elephants, my next poll is "Would you close zoos?", a freer poll that should allow you to be more opinionated.

2013 has arrived!!!

So, the world didn't end 11 days ago, and it provided immense humiliation and slight disappointment for some of us, but at least we have the luxury of entering yet another year. I'm still in Sri Lanka for New Year, and watched the first sunrise of 2013 from a rock in the colonial town of Galle at 6:19 am (!). Since I last posted on the 26th December we've hiked through tea plantations in Ella (people called Ella, you have a Sri Lankan namesake town), relaxed in the beach resort of Mirissa (also where the Boxing Day tsunami in 2004 was) and been on an unsuccessful whale watching trip. I've even advertised this blog by writing it down an Indian Ocean beach :). But that was in 2012. WE are in 2013. And here at Dramatis Persona we love celebration. So if you have a highlight of the year, a New Year's resolution or even a highlight of the first ten months and 28 posts of this blog, don't hesitate to comment! But for resolutions, mine fall into four categories and are as follows:

1. The General Resolution, that can apply to everything

This year it's to stop throwing things away, being less wasteful and caring about the environment more. This also includes using, not selling, all Christmas and birthday presents.

2. The School Resolution

As in several past years, this resolution is to be more open to everyone I know in school.

3. The Blog Resolution

My first ever in this particular category, I aim first to manage 30 posts before my 1st blog-iversary on the 11th February, and around 80 in total by the end of the year.

4. The Secret Resolution

WELL IT'S SECRET ISN'T IT!!

-DP

PS I am in the first stages of planning a blog-iversary in February, on the theme of "what Dramatis Persona means to me", with contributions from our fans. If you have an answer to this question, please comment or, if you know me, get in touch some other way! And to cheer you up, here's this year's Chinese zodiac animal found in the hotel room (it's a lizard not a snake, but it's nearly there...), and below it a funny picture glorifying useless resolutions from the website Paperless Post.

My Sri Lankan Boxing Day

I didn't mention this on my last post, but my Christmas and New Year this year are being spent in the wonderful island of Sri Lanka. As well as this being the first ever blog post on my new Christmas gift of an iPad (!), since arriving here on the 22nd my family and I have spent Christmas Eve Eve (not a mistake, by this I mean the 23rd) in the capital city of Colombo, Christmas Eve with a host of Indian elephants which I intend to talk about more and show you pictures of, but only can access some of them right now :( and most recently Christmas Day in Kandy, Sri Lanka's second city. More specifically, in one of the biggest Buddhist temples in the world, the Temple of the Tooth, where Buddha's canine tooth is supposedly held. But enough of yesterday, let's talk about today. My 26th December was spent hiking up the large, ancient city of Sigiriya in the middle of the jungle, in surprisingly good condition for its age. However, I'm not going to tell you, I'm going to show you...

This is a from-the-bottom view of the rock that once housed the grand palace of the king of Sri Lanka in 500-600 BC. We climbed this, on an array of steep and often frighteningly fragile metal staircases and walkways!

A very cute ( if you like that sort of thing) monitor lizard I saw on the way up.






A small, walled enclosure, apparently home to the Bo tree, the species under which the Buddha was born.

A beautifully painted image, better than most cave paintings, amazingly done in 500 BC!

The Wild Chicken Tribe

I haven't done a story or imaginative post for a while, and this chicken, spotted at my family's rented home in Grassington, Yorkshire, provided an interesting avenue of opportunity. The chicken doesn't have a coop, and he also doesn't appear to live anywhere apart from in the huge grounds of the house. But perhaps he once did. The once thriving, now nearly extinct tribe of wild woodland chickens, living in forest areas in Northern England and Southern Scotland, are taught by experienced chief chickens to fend for themselves in practically any environment they choose. Those skills are eventually put to use when the chickens come of age (they have to learn survival skills quite quickly, as they come of age at two years) and they must venture out and choose an environment which they deem suitable to use as a home for the rest of their life. Another tribe rule is that chickens must visit they former home at least once a year. This chicken, unlike his adventurous siblings, hated the tribe's independent nature, so sought out a house with extensive gardens to get a taste of domestic life which he, of course, loved. However, when reluctantly returning to his family, they were taken by nasty surprise as they realized this rebellious chicken had chosen a somewhat calmer life than his siblings, who chose caves, trees and waterfalls as their dwelling place. The chiefs were horrified and subsequently disowned the chicken, who didn't mind at all, returning to Grassington to roam around the plant pots once again.

- DP :)

Whose Tracks?

 I personally think that the first post of a brand new blogshould focus on something that has aspects of mystery and enigma, to draw thereader in and make them, if they like the sound of it, follow the blog. So Ithought that this photograph I took with my mum's camera a few minutes ago may dragyou into my blog. This has got me thinking for ages about which creature hasbeen wandering around underneath the yew tree in the back garden of my family'shouse in Suffolk, Eastern England. Could it be a ferocious grizzly bear escapedfrom a Canadian national park? Or perhaps the Abominable Snowman has shunnedthe Himalayas in favour of the East Anglian countryside? OK, there's a fineline between fun creativity and total madness, and this crosses it. But still,this picture does get one's imagination bouncing up and down with energy, andif anybody has any ideas as to who - or what - made it, feel free to comment. Allsuggestions would be very much appreciated ;)

- DP :)